Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Mrs. Lovely Moon


I've been feeling off the last few days.
And I guess the only way I can explain it is that I feel like I'm drowning.

Lately, all I've been feeling is that everything is swallowing me up.
The waters rushing over my head.
The waves are crashing down.
And if, just if, I don't find a way out soon I'll miss out on something.

I've been so swamped with work and swimming and just life.
January has become this endless month of deadlines and due dates.
And it's making me feel lonely.
And i'm not lonely.
I have great friends and a loving family.
But I can't seem to shake the feeling that i'm alone in this big, huge, vast ocean of a world.

I'm tired.  I'm emotional.  It's "that time of the month".  So I probably shouldn't even be writing this because I know in 5-8 days I will be laughing at myself for feeling so dramatic.
But I can't help it. 
January makes me long for June.  When the air was warm and I walked barefoot everywhere.
When I spent every day on the beach and would go out late for ice cream at night.
When I always smelled like salt water and my bed basically felt like a beach.
When, really, I didn't have a care in the world.
{words of advice:  don't break up with someone a week before your period}

I hate January.  It's midterm month.  I stress.
And I hate stress. 
Because when I'm stressed,
I can't breathe. 

I drown when I'm stressed.  And when you drown, you feel alone.  

I need to learn to breathe again.  

“and hey there, mrs. lovely moon, you’re lonely and you’re blue, it’s kind of strange the way you change, but then again we all do too”
Devendra Banhart

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